Desperate Times
by CSIGurlie07
Summary: As the unimaginative title suggests, this is a tag for Desperate Measures. This story picks up where the episode leaves off. Implied S/J, but this is not a romance. SG-1 has to get Sam home, and Sam has to come to terms with what happened.
1. Chapter 1

Jack used immaturity to hide his helplessness. It was his coping mechanism. So when he ended up face down in a puddle with a bullet in his back and arm while Carter- the one he'd come to save for cryin' out loud- stood guard over him, he couldn't shut up.

"How hard could it be for them to slap some sleeves on these things?" he grumbled. He tried to shift his position by rolling over, but his wounded arm disabused him of that notion with a harsh, resounding spike of pain. He froze, a yelp clenched tightly behind gritted teeth, which he slowly released in a hiss. "Shit."

"Try not to move, sir," Carter's voice came from the darkness. He could turn his head at least, but the shadows of the dark tunnels revealed only the vaguest of shapes to indicate where exactly she was. "I'll talk to requisitions about shoulder and arm pads when we get back to the mountain."

"I'd appreciate that, Major." Anything else he had to say evaporated abruptly when Sam jerked,, bringing the pistol in her hand to bear down the hall behind them. Jack froze, listening intently for whatever had alerted her. When he heard nothing but the occasional drip from a leaky pipe a couple yards in front of them, he relaxed slightly. Carter did not. "Carter?"

"I heard something, sir." The gun clicked quietly in her hand as she shifted her grip in sharp, jerky movements. Jack frowned; Carter was one of the steadiest shots he'd ever seen.

"Don't forget we've got a couple of friendlies en route, Carter."

"And a Goa'uld on the loose, sir."

"He wasn't armed." Jack had seen Conrad clearly. The newly minted host had been weaponless in front of him, no other threat on his person than the snake in his head. The shots that left him in a shallow puddle had come from behind. Bastards. Carter lowered the gun, but remained stiff, on edge.

"Maybe not, Colonel, but his security is. They pointed weapons at me, sir, and he needed me alive. The same may not be said of you."

"My feelings are a little hurt," Jack griped.

"Oh." The sad sound of realization pierced the growing haze of pain clouding Jack's mind. He quickly continued to clear the air.

"That was a joke, Carter."

"Huh? Oh. No." She took a shaky breath in the darkness. "I just realized I guess they didn't need me alive after all."

Jack's jaw locked. Storming into that hospital room-old, empty, and downright creepy- to see Carter fighting for her life and losing had set off too many alarms. He'd almost shot them dead right there, and still almost wished he had. Only their proximity to Carter had kept him from firing. He'd seen the syringe in one's hand. He hadn't taken the time to learn what was in it. Now he knew. Poison, or an overdose.

"They… they were going to euthanize me." Sam's realization came soft through the shadows, twisting Jack's insides like someone had put a knife through him. It hit him then, how lucky they'd been. One minute, one _second_ later, he would have been too late. In the eyes of the law, it would have been murder, but Carter was right. There had been no malice in the act. That made it all the more chilling. Those doctors he'd almost shot barely saw Sam as a person; she was a puzzle, a means to an end. When they'd tied the tourniquet around her arm, they had seen it as the next phase of an experiment, not the ending of a life.

Sam settled heavily on the cement, abandoning her crouch. Jack focused on her, pushing his own pain aside as best he could. "Carter?"

"Fine, sir. Just a little… unsteady," she chose, after a tiny pause. "It's been a long few days."

Jack grunted, unwilling to reveal the truth of her statement. It had been the longest days of his life. He would never forgive himself that she'd been gone for almost two days before they knew she was missing. Those bastard had been smart, choosing a Saturday to take her. A free weekend was precious for SG-1; no one had thought to contact her, or each other, until Monday.

"How long?" she asked. In the shadows, her hand turned to glance at the hall behind them, scanning for threats.

Jack swallowed past the sudden lump in his throat. He didn't want to think what may have happened to her that didn't let her count the days. "Six days," he said finally.

She inhaled quietly. "Oh."

Before either of them could say more, the sound of footsteps echoed down the hall. Carter's entire body tightened; her arm came up to point towards the sound, and her breathing hitched as she steeled herself to deal with whatever threat came into view.

A moment later, the footsteps halted, and Teal'c's voice carried down the corridor. "Major Carter, we have arrived with medical assistance."

The gun in her hand lowered to her lap, the weight of it suddenly too much for her. Leaning against the wall, she seemed boneless, and Jack kicked himself. What had he been thinking? He should have let Maybourne hunt the bastard Conrad down while he himself took Carter someplace safe. A little voice in him argued that Carter wouldn't have accepted the gun he offered if she wasn't up for it; the rational voice in him pointed out that Carter would have accepted that weapon even if she'd been bleeding out. To be handed control after a week of feeling trapped and alone… Jack might as well have been throwing a life preserver to a drowning man.

"Here." she called Teal'c's silhouette appeared a moment later. Daniel and a pair of medics followed close behind, and immediately pushed towards Jack. Teal'c split off from the group to crouch beside Carter, while Daniel knelt next to Jack's hip. The archaeologist gave him a look, which Jack redirected towards Sam with a tilt of his head.

"Hey, Sam," Daniel said, giving her a relieved smile. "You doing okay?"

Her head bobbed slightly. "Yeah."

"I am relieved to see you well, Major Carter," Teal'c told her. His hand rested gently on her shoulder, prompting a small smile.

"Thanks, Teal'c." It didn't seem to occur to her that she'd used his real name in front of civilians. Her eyes tracked his hands as they moved to remove the gun from her hand. Her fingers relinquished it without a fight, but the distance in Sam's eyes as she processed the exchange made Jack uneasy.

"Hey, T, why don't you take Carter upstairs to get checked out?" he suggested. "These guys will roll me out when they're done poking around the inside of my arm."

Sam shook her head. "I'd rather stay here."

Jack and Daniel shared a brief look when she failed to tack on any kind of honorific. In fact, her tone was almost petulant. "Really? You wanna wait in the dark sitting in puddles until these yahoos eventually realize it was a through and through and there _is no bullet_?" He glared at the medics. One of them felt the opposite side of his bicep and found the exit wound. "No way," Jack finished.

"Colonel-"

"Do I need to make it an order?" he interrupted before she could try to argue. His tone ignited some of her usual spark; her chin lifted, shoulders squaring.

"No, sir," she agreed solemnly a few moments later.

Teal'c was quick to take advantage of her acquiescence. "Come, Major Carter." He took her hand and gently helped her to her feet. Once there, she swayed ominously, but didn't go down. "Do you require assistance to walk?"

"No, I'm okay." She shuffled down the hall the way Teal'c and the medics had come, unsteady but ambulatory. Teal'c respected her independence, but remained close should she falter.

Jack watched in approval until they were out of sight, and then turned to the medics. "Who the hell gave you a medical degree?"

"We don't have medical degrees, sir."

"Then why the hell are you trying to operate on me?"


	2. Chapter 2

Carter was secretly relieved to be out of the dark. Before Teal'c arrived, she'd begun to see shapes in the darkness, blurs of some things that scurried along the edges of her vision. Teal'c walked closely behind her, more closely than he usually did. Sam welcomed his steady presence. Though she knew the worst of the threat in that building was gone, she didn't trust that new ones wouldn't jump out from around the next corner. His stolid reassurance was a needed counterpoint to the jitters that crawled up and down her arms.

As soon as she stepped outside, a sense of wrongness stopped Sam in her tracks. An overcast sky shrouded the small courtyard outside the building in a gray pallor, but the leaves on the bushes and trees were too green. The air smelled wet, and when she stepped on to the grass lawn, the ground was soft. The weight of the air _felt_ different, and she instantly knew. She wasn't in Colorado anymore.

"Where am I?" she asked.

"Seattle, Washington," Teal'c responded evenly. Sam blinked, noticing the city's crest and name painted on the police cars that flashed silently around the building. Washington. They'd taken her across state lines. How had SG-1 been able to find her? Suddenly feeling very small, the rest of the world pressed in on her.

"There are medics standing by for you, Major Carter." When she didn't make any move towards the waiting ambulance, Teal'c placed a gentle but insistent hand on the small of her back. "Major Carter."

"No," she said suddenly. Tension now chased every trace of lethargy from her body. "No. I'm fine."

"Major Carter, I believe it would be unwise to decline medical attention-" Two men in blue uniforms with stethoscopes around their necks turned towards them, their eyes drawn by her growing distress. Abruptly, Sam turned away, dodging Teal'c's hand and escaping their attention. Her heart pounded. Now they were drawing more attention.

"I'm fine," she assured Teal'c, and herself. "I just- I need…" If the paramedics came to investigate, she… her skin crawled. Could she dissuade both them and Teal'c? The small patch of grass in from the of the building they'd exited crawled with faces she didn't recognize. Badges and hats and vans with letters on them. The sun wasn't able to cut through the cloud cover, but the scene was too bright. "I need-" Nearby, a radio squawked and a gravelly voice answered it. Suddenly, she could hear identical gravelly voices all around her. She reached up to rub her ears. "Quiet," she got out, finally. "I just need quiet. I can't- can't _think_ , out here."

Teal'c resumed his hovering, this time gently taking her by the elbow and escorting her away from the too-crowded scene. "Come, Major Carter. I know a place."

She trusted him implicitly, now that he was taking her anywhere but towards the medics. She couldn't even track their movement, focusing so hard on trying to focus that she couldn't process anything at all until they were back inside the building, and Teal'c urged her to sit on a small sofa seat that looked like it could belong in a waiting room. She couldn't tell what purpose the room was supposed to serve. It was empty, except for them, and it was quiet, just like she needed. Of course Teal'c had understood what she needed, without her having to say it. Had it only been six days like the Colonel said? She couldn't tell. She could barely remember time in the haze since her abduction. Only too-pale rooms and not enough life. Not a hospital. An _abattoir_. They would have killed her, took her to pieces for science, all inside these walls she'd returned to. But it was quiet.

Teal'c settled on the couch next to her. He noticed her shivers before she did. She noticed the heat that enveloped her when he draped his coat over her shoulders. She sighed at the immediate comfort it lent her. Instead of feeling the weight of what had happened, like she supposed she should, she only felt tired. She listed towards Teal'c, seeking more of his warmth. When his arm settled over her shoulders, Sam leaned into him fully, drawing her knees up to burrow entirely inside his jacket, leeching his solid presence and inviting body heat. Her eyes slammed, and she let them. She was so tired. She would rest her eyes, just for a few minutes. Just until the Colonel was brought up. So tired. And it was so, so quiet.


	3. Chapter 3

Though instructed to ensure she was examined by medical professionals, Major Carter's distress easily swayed Teal'c from his mission. While he watched her in the courtyard, her eyes darted and skipped over the crowded green, clearly overwhelmed. More alarming to him was her distraction. Major Carter by her nature spoke decisively- to see her cast about for words was proof that she was not as unaffected by her experience as she had claimed in the tunnels.

"Daniel Jackson," he hailed over the small radio in his ear.

"Yeah, T, go ahead." Daniel Jackson's voice crackled and popped, the signal distorted by the walls of the building and the tunnels below.

"Our destination has changed. We will rendezvous at the place of our entrance to the hospital." Teal'c was already moving towards the front of the building, guiding Major Carter beside him. She no longer resisted.

"Yeah, that's fine, we're almost done here. We'll find you. Jackson out."

Under Teal'c's hand, tremors shuddered across Major Carter's frame as they moved up the stone steps to the front door. They subsided somewhat when he lent her his heavy jacket, and ceased entirely when she rested against him. When her breaths deepened into sleep, he was assured he had made the correct choice in acquiescing to her request.

Great abuse had been visited on his teammate. He scanned her for signs of apparent injury, but found nothing grave. Most apparent to him were the wide bands of raw, reddened skin across her wrists, which he had spied when she slipped her arms into his coat. They clear signs of prolonged struggle against medical-grade restraints. He recognized them from the few times he'd been restrained against his will at the SGC. His symbiote healed them in a matter of hours; Major Carter's would linger far longer. Nevertheless, Teal'c had no doubt Major Carter would recover from this ordeal. She was a fierce warrior of strong mind. Resilience was a common trait among the Tau'ri, particularly those within the SGC.

His arm tightened around his friend's shoulders. Major Carter slept on, oblivious of his attention or pensive musings, peaceful in her exhaustion. Teal'c turned his attention outwards, carefully on guard. Several agencies still combed the facility for any further threats; Teal'c did not know any of the civilian defense groups, and trusted no one outside SG-1. It was uncertain how deep the NID's reach extended. Should any enemy come near, he would not be caught unawares.


	4. Chapter 4

Jack only shut up when he was dead or unconscious, Daniel reminded himself again. The Colonel's grumpy bickering was a good sign, even if it grated on Daniel's already frayed nerves. This place reminded him of the dank hopelessness of some of the group homes he'd been in as a kid, but in a more sinister way. HE desperately wanted to join Teal'c and Sam on the surface, to have fresh air and _not_ Jack's sour mood reverberating off the stone walls around him.

When they finally got Jack on a stretcher and rolled him outside, Daniel peeled away. "Don't leave yet, okay? I think we'll all want to ride with him to the hospital." Major Davis had confirmed Janet was already on her way to the hospital to wait for them. Daniel checked his watch. She should already be there.

"Sir, there won't be room in the ambulance.."

"Then we'll ride in the other vehicle," Daniel countered fiercely. "But we're going at the same time."

The medic nodded his understanding. Daniel trotted up the stone steps to the same entrance he'd entered a few hours earlier, feigning electrocution. This time no guards greeted him but Teal'c, who nodded as he entered. The Jaffa had one hand on his zat, and his other arm wrapped around Sam, who dozed peacefully against his side. She didn't stir at the sound of the door opening and closing behind Daniel. Daniel paused to observe her, taking in her pale skin and the deep bruises of fatigue under her eyes. She swam in Teal'c's jacket. In it, she seemed frail, which was downright unnatural for the vivacious friend he knew so well.

"How's she doing?" he asked softly to Teal'c.

"Major Carter grew distressed upon seeing the medical professionals outside," Teal'c reported. "When she expressed a desire for quiet in which to wait for Colonel O'Neill, I felt it best to grant her request."

Daniel nodded. "Good call. Looks like she needs it."

"Is O'Neill prepared for transport?" Teal'c asked, prompting a nervous nod from Daniel.

"Yeah, they're waiting for us. I, uh- told them we'd all want to travel together." Ostensibly, it was a way to guarantee Sam would be checked out by a doctor while Jack received further treatment at the hospital, but the honest truth was that Daniel simply couldn't stomach the thought of separating. The past week had been tough. Each time he passed the door of Sam's lab, he'd felt her absence keenly. It felt unnatural to simply walk past without stopping to say hello.

The past week had opened his eyes to the fact that Sam was integral to SG-1- without her, Daniel felt listless, something he saw reflected in each of his teammates as well. What he would never mention aloud, to Jack or anyone else, was how Jack's search in particular had been tinged with desperation. He didn't know what had happened to Sam in this building, but he hoped she would be up for company while she recuperated. He doubted any of them would get any rest apart.

"Major Carter, it is time to depart." Teal'c gently tightened his arm around her shoulders. Sam didn't move. "Major Carter," he said more firmly.

Daniel crouched in front of her. "Sam?" A wave of sickening panic pushed Daniel towards her. He reached up and shook her shoulders briskly. "Sam, come on. Time to wake up."

Sam didn't respond. Daniel gave her a rough shake, panic crowding out any attempt to be gentle. Her head rolled limply on her neck. Daniel froze. Oh, god. " _Ambulance_ ," he choked out.

Teal'c rose, quickly gathering Sam in his arms. Daniel shoved through the doors and down the steps, Teal'c close on his heels. Jack saw them coming and one look at Daniel's face had him shoving his hovering medics towards them, barking at them when they were too slow. When they saw Sam in Teal'c's arms, they called over their shoulders for the second ambulance team.

"What happened?" asked the first medic who caught up to them. He trotted along beside them until the gurney cut them off, meeting them halfway.

"T- Murray, I mean…"

"Major Carter expressed fatigue. She slept for a short time while Colonel O'Neill was tended to. When Daniel Jackson came to alert us of O'Neill's departure, she would not wake." Teal'c gently set his ward own on the waiting gurney. When he stepped back, the medics surged in, moving efficiently to take her vitals while their teammate continued to gather information.

"So that's about 15 minutes total? Is she on any kind of drugs or medication?"

Daniel froze. His mind flashed to the doctors they'd taken into custody, the gurney they'd been cuffed to- the tray of medical instruments, and the partially depleted IV bag standing unused. "I- I don't know." _Oh, god_. "Probably, but we don't know what or how much."

"Okay, that's all right. We're going to transport her immediately; when we get to the hospital, we'll run a full tox panel. Who's riding with?"

"I shall," Teal'c announced. Daniel nodded his agreement. Sam was secured to the stretcher and wheeled away, with Teal'c remaining well within reach. Daniel watched the doors close on his teammates, leaving him to walk back to Jack on his own. Jack glowered darkly.

"What the hell happened?" he growled.

"She- ah- Sam fell asleep, and wouldn't wake up." Daniel's throat closed threateningly. He cleared his throat, sniffing surreptitiously as his eyes stung. Even after working against the odds, chasing Conrad across three states, and finding Sam alive… they still might have been too late. Jack fell dangerously quiet.

"He was supposed to watch her." Jack's eyes were dark, the gloom from his unhappy injury replaced by a withering storm. "He was supposed to take her straight to the ambulance!"

Daniel recalled the arm Teal'c had wrapped around Sam, the zat clasped in the Jaffa's free hand when he'd found them. Daniel didn't doubt for a second that Teal'c have killed anyone who had come gunning for Sam. The problem was, the threat hadn't been in the building anymore. It had been in her veins, in the form of whatever drugs they'd given her. "It's not Teal'c's fault, Jack. She seemed fine, just wary of medical personnel she didn't recognize. I don't blame her." He rubbed a hand over the back of his neck.

"I gave him a job to do, Daniel. It was one thing-"

"You gave Sam a job to do, too," Daniel countered. "You handed her a gun and expected her to watch your back while you charged off to find the guy who abducted and tormented her for six days! You can't do that and then turn around to blame Teal'c for trusting Sam was cognizant enough to make her own decisions."

Jack was quiet again. Daniel avoided looking at him for several minutes. He didn't blame Jack either, not really. His heart insisted that their first priority should have been getting Sam out of the building and to medical professionals. His head knew that SG-1 was the only team within a 100-mile radius capable of hunting and capturing a Goa'uld, and of that team Sam was a vital component. Jack had used the people at his disposal, and made the best call he could; just like Teal'c had.

Jack scrubbed his face with his palms, hiding whatever emotions Daniel had managed to remain oblivious to. "Get the medics," he ordered. "We're blowing this popsicle stand."

Daniel didn't hesitate. The Colonel's quick change of topic told him more than Jack probably intended. Jack didn't blame Teal'c either. He already blamed himself.


	5. Chapter 5

A couple of stitches later, Jack walked into Sam's hospital room armed with a sling and a brand new prescription of painkillers. SG-1 already waited, with Doctor Frasier lingering near the foot of the bed where Sam lay, dead to the world. Janet's diverted her attention from Sam's chart when he entered, scanning him with a critical eye, taking in his stiff walk and the sling cradling his arm.

"Free and clear, doc, promise," he said. She nodded her acceptance, no doubt figuring it would be easier to keep an eye on all of them in a single room. Jack wasn't about to fight her on that point. He spied the seat his team had saved for him next to Carter's bed and parked himself on it, looking back to Frasier when she hovered. "What are we facing here, Doc?"

Janet hesitated, choosing her words carefully. "It's not as bad as it could be," she began. "Her blood panels show a volatile cocktail of drugs in her system, but it appears as though her last dose was at least 36 hours ago. Her system is already filtering them out. I don't anticipate any prolonged effect, but we'll monitor her closely until we know more."

"Then why wouldn't she wake up?" Daniel hugged himself, chilled by the memory of her unresponsiveness. Jack sympathized; seeing his team erupt through the doors of the abandoned hospital with Carter limp in Teal'c's arms had poured ice through his veins.

"Her blood pressure was low," Frasier explained, "as was her blood sugar. Those levels, coupled with some lingering effects from the cocktail I mentioned, were more than enough for her to lose consciousness. While an examination revealed they had supplied her with fluids via IV at some point, it's probable that they failed to take her unique physiology into account."

"Did they not abduct Major Carter for the precise reason that she had survived possession by Jolinar?" Teal'c asked. He stood stationed against the wall opposite Carter's bed, giving him direct lines of sight to both the patient and any who walked through the door.

"Knowing of her condition and understanding it are two different things, Teal'c," Janet said quietly. They had relative privacy, but none of them forgot that they were in a civilian hospital. "With Sam's permission we've studied the effects of some of the most common drugs, in controlled doses. Without access to that research, they simply dumped whatever drugs they thought might work and arbitrarily increased the dosage until she stayed under. It was criminally negligent guesswork, and incredibly dangerous."

"Negligence is the least of the charges we're gonna charge them with, doc," Jack told her. A dark gleam sparked in the diminutive woman's eyes.

"Good."

"This information would suggest the perpetrators were unable to obtain access to Major Carter's medical records," Teal'c pointed out.

Janet nodded. "After Jolinar, the General was concerned this very thing would happen. In an effort to maintain Sam's privacy, I was ordered to keep her medical file secure. The hard copy is kept under lock and key in my office, and the only digital copy is encrypted on a local subfile of the infirmary's systems, on a drive independent of the rest of the base."

Daniel blinked. "Wow. I had no idea."

"To be honest, I almost wish they had been able to pilfer our notes. If they had more details, they might have been more judicious in how they sedated her."

"We'll address that with the General later," Jack told Frasier. "Right now we have enough to worry about. What's our next step?"

Janet sighed, hugging her clipboard to her chest. "We have her on an electrolytic IV solution to get her levels back up to healthy range. Other than that, we can only monitor her until she wakes up on her own."

"And how long will that take?" Daniel asked.

"As long as it takes, and the longer she sleeps, the better. She needs the rest. I'd say anywhere in the next 10-12 hours she'll start to wake up. Until then, you gentlemen will need to remain quiet. "

"We know the drill, doc," Jack assured her. His arm ached. He wouldn't mind some peace and quiet himself, but sleep was right out until Sam was awake and herself.

Janet sighed. "I know you do." They were too familiar with the process, and perfectly well behaved when they wanted to be. "I'll check in in a few hours. Let me know if there's any changes."

When she turned to leave, Jack hesitated for only a second before he was on his feet and following her. Janet would never lie to them, but something in her voice told Jack there was something she wasn't telling them.

"Doc! Hold up!" He trotted the last couple feet to face her, and met her guarded features square on. "What else is there?"

To her credit, Janet didn't try to play dumb. "I'm concerned about brain damage."

Jack's heart almost stopped. "What?"

"Colonel, I cannot stress strongly enough how dangerous that cocktail was. In the wrong combination they could very well have stopped her heart, among other potential complications."

Jack swallowed thickly. "You think that's what we're dealing with here?"

Janet's shoulders lifted helplessly. "Her examination didn't reveal any indications of a recent resuscitation, which is a promising sign. But I won't be completely comfortable until she's awake and we can administer a full assessment."

"Aren't there any scans that could tell you any of that?"

"Yes," she conceded, "but the answers they would yield aren't time sensitive. I'd prefer to refrain from any additional medical procedures until Sam is awake to give consent."

Jack understood. Once his initial panic had receded, so had his anger at Teal'c, and in the wake of both he understood the value in the Jaffa's attempt to render some small autonomy back to Sam. The past week had seen Sam's agency had been stripped from her at every turn. They didn't need to add to it if they didn't absolutely have to. "Okay, then."

"I'm sorry, Colonel," Janet offered. "I was hoping to not have to bring it up until we absolutely had to. But it is on our radar, and clearly the potential ramifications could change a lot about the SGC." Yeah, like Carter might not be able to pull a rabbit out of her ass the next time a threat put Earth in its sights.

"Also, sir, we need to consider the possible effects this ordeal will have Major Carter's state of mind, regardless of tissue damage. An experience like this is traumatic. She may need help getting through it- professional help."

Jack nodded. There was a stigma around mental health in the military, and many servicemen and women balked at seeking help for it. "I'll make sure she gets help if she needs it." Sometimes a kick in the rear from a CO or trusted friend did the trick.

"I'm sure you will, sir." Janet smiled tiredly. She and Jack didn't see eye to eye on everything, but concern for the well-being of his team was one on which they did. "I'm going to go touch base with Major Davis," she said finally. "I want you to rest as much as you can as well, Colonel. And drink plenty of fluids."

"Yes, ma'am," Jack returned with a smile of his own. "You got it."

She took her leave of them, and Jack returned to his seat. Teal'c registered his return with the slightest of brow raises, but Daniel was for more direct. "What did she say?"

"Just reminding me to be on my best behaviour," Jack fibbed. There was no point worrying them before there was something to worry about. Daniel glared at him, not buying the bluff. "There's a sedative with my name on it if she thinks I'm overdoing it."

It was enough to satisfy Daniel, at least for now. They settled into a silence that was both familiar and foreign to them. It wasn't their first hospital vigil, and it certainly wouldn't be their last. Still, there was an unusual tension that thrummed in the quiet. This was no mishap off world, or botched experiment. Though the scientists' acts had held no malice, the implications behind their motivations were grave and far-reaching. Who had let the details of Sam's possession by Jolinar slip to a civilian like Conrad? Where was the bastard now? Not dead like he ought to be, that's for sure. Jack should have shot him on sight instead of trying to take him into custody.

Jack stewed in his failures for almost 8 hours, until Sam began to stir. They all perked up immediately, but tried not to get too excited. Carter's wakefulness came in stages over the next thirty minutes, until finally bleary blue eyes blinked open. They passed over the entire room, catching slightly on Daniel and Teal'c before ultimately focusing on Jack.

"Sir." Her voice was hoarse from sleep.

"Hey, Carter," he returned, scooting to the edge of his seat. "How you feeling?"

He watched here eyes roll ominously, almost dipping back into sleep. Stubbornly she pried them back open, and tried to focus. "'Kay," she mumbled. She dragged her gaze down her arm. Her left hand flexed on top of the blanket, testing each finger as she stared dazedly. At that moment, Janet swept into the room.

"You're awake!" she chirped, grinning brightly at her patient.

"Kind of," Daniel pointed out, hiding a faint smile. Janet glared at him before turning back to Sam.

"Can you tell me how you feel?" Janet paused but only silence followed. Carter's eyes remained on her hand that opened and closed, open, closed. Jack shared a look with Frasier. A tiny furrow had appeared between Sam's eyebrows, as though she couldn't quite understand that she was making her fingers move. "Sam? Is your hand bothering you, honey?"

That got Sam's attention. Her eyes traveled to Janet, staring dazedly at her friend. "No," came the plain response, even as her fingers continued to wave experimentally. "Where'm I?"

"A hospital in Seattle," Janet supplied. "You're safe."

Tired eyes passed to Jack, then Teal'c and Daniel. "'Kay," Carter agreed. The her gaze returned to her hand, turning thoughtful. "State lines…" she whispered, as though to herself.

Jack felt a familiar worry creep over him. Brain damage? Or just exhaustion? He looked to Janet, who remained focused on her patient.

"Sam, can you look at me?" Sam obeyed, meeting her gaze. "I want you to go back to sleep, okay? You're not quite ready to be awake. You'll feel better if you get more rest."

Carter sighed, almost in relief. "Okay." She passed her gaze to Daniel, Teal'c and then lingered on Jack. "Stay?" Her eyes already began to slam, no matter how much she tried to fight it. "...alone…"

"You're not alone, Carter," he assured her. He focused on her grasping hand on the mattress, wanting nothing more than to take it and let the touch prove to her that he was real. "I promise. You're not alone."

Sam nodded, and then her eyes closed for good, her fingers falling still as she drifted back into slumber. Jack looked to Janet. She saw the question in his eyes and grinned in reassurance. "Just a false start, Colonel. Nothing to be concerned about just yet. Give her a few more hours and I'm sure she'll be much more herself."

Jack nodded. He didn't know what kind of drugs they'd dumped into Carter, and he didn't want to know. However, he knew from experience that some of the heavy hitters made waking up a difficult and sometimes bizarre process. Janet took her leave again, allowing SG-1 their privacy. Jack settled back in his chair once more. They weren't going anywhere.


	6. Chapter 6

Sam's discharge from the Seattle hospital came relatively quick once she woke up, a fact for which she was relieved. The unfamiliar hospital was louder than the place she'd been kept, but still held that strange, sterile smell, and the unknown faces of the doctors passing her room made her nauseous. They never entered, didn't even look at her, but it didn't matter. Sam's unease didn't bleed away until they were on the military transport flight home. SG-1 stayed with her every minute; she usually resented their hovering before long, but this time she needed it, and hated that she did. They remained with her until they landed back in Colorado, only taking their leave when it was time to go home.

A quiet house greeted her when she unlocked the door and stepped inside. Not a thing was out of place, though she suspected that an investigation team might have taken a look around when SG-1 discovered she was missing. Somehow, seeing nothing changed made that possibility more eerie than if the place were trashed. She searched the house after removing her personal weapon from the gun safe in the closet. She moved room to room and left the lights blazing as she went. Nothing revealed itself. She was alone.

The curtains remained closed while she returned the gun to its safe, and the music went on, only to be silenced a few moments later. The silence was unsettling but the music only put her more on edge; she needed to hear the quiet sounds drifting in from outside. Joggers' feet pounding the sidewalk, birds twittering in the tree outside her living room window, traffic whispering past. Sounds of life that surely meant no one was creeping up her front lawn, poised to break down the door to get at her.

A knock on the door shattered the quiet. Sam almost opened it, then froze with her hand on the knob. She felt well enough, even after the flight home, but if there was a team in black on the other side of the door, would she be able to fend them off? Her gun was already back in the safe. She hadn't been able to defend herself the last time she was unarmed. She remembered that quite clearly. In fact, it was the last vivid memory she had before waking up and trying to escape on her own. She failed to protect herself then as well.

"Hey, Carter! Someone order a pizza?" The Colonel's voice carried through the locked door, and shook Sam from her stupor. She lunged for the lock, flinging the door open to reveal him and Daniel and Teal'c, each of them bearing supplies for a night in. Sam's gaze lingered on the ice cream in Teal'c's hands.

"We have procured your favorite, Major Carter," he informed her, a smile in his voice. "Double chocolate fudge."

"And double pepperoni," Daniel chimed in, hefting three pizza boxes. "Jack has the videos."

When she looked to the Colonel, he rolled his eyes and lifted the incriminating plastic bag. "For the record, I did not choose these."

Sam took the bag a stepped back to allow them entrance. Daniel and Teal'c immediately headed for the kitchen, which they expertly navigated to pull out plates and napkins. The Colonel lingered as she browsed through the bag.

"Atlantis: The Lost Empire?" Sam looked up. "I thought we said no more documentaries on movie nights?"

"Not a documentary!" Daniel called. It was clearly not the first time he'd had to defend his choice tonight.

"Oh, no," the Colonel chirped. "It gets better. Look closer."

Sam's eyes scanned the summary, and caught on the studio name. She snorted, swallowing a laugh. "A _Disney_ movie?"

"Hey, you get to pick apart science movies," Daniel argued, sliding a pizza slice onto a plate and handing it to her. "I get to pick apart cartoons based on myths and legends."

Sam traded him the movies for the plate. Taking a big bite, she grinned. "Fair enough."

After the film, however, Daniel didn't have much to say. None of them did. "That wasn't all that far-fetched, actually," Daniel commented.

"Nope," the Colonel muttered into his glass of cola. Sam stifled a smile. After Teal'c pointed out the similarity between Daniel and the animated archaeologist Milo Thatch, she'd noticed Jack had watched with special vigor. She suspected he'd gathered plenty of ammunition to torture Daniel with later.

It was already ten, the usual time people started to head home. However, Sam didn't protest when Teal'c suggested a second film, and then a third. She didn't make it through the third, dozing off barely halfway through. Sam bolted awake long after it ended, heart pounding and breath panting, with absolutely no knowledge of what had woken her. If it was a nightmare, it already chased into oblivion, but it didn't stop the tremor in her hands. Scanning the room for an external cause of her sudden wake-up revealed nothing but a blue screen and a clicking VCR, and the three dark shapes of her slumbering teammates.

Her p.j.s were heavy with sweat under the heavy blanket draped over her. The air she inhaled coated her throat and lungs, thick and muggy; it pressed in on her, making her skin crawl. The blanket rubbed like sandpaper as she peeled it away from her and carefully rose from the couch. By the light of the TV she made a beeline for the sliding glass door, escaping onto the back deck. Sam closed her eyes as a wave of cool air washed over her, banishing some of the weight that had come with her from the sofa.

The deck was nothing like the Colonel's. It was barely wide enough to put a chair out there and sit in it without bumping her knees against the slats in the rail, but all Sam needed was the crisp night air and a rail to prop herself up on as she slowly tried to let the tension bleed away.

"Carter." The Colonel's sudden voice sent the tension roaring back, snapping her spine straight as a rod as she spun and backed up, forgetting the rail behind her. She hit the wooden slats, and teetered unsteadily until her palms slammed into the top rail to catch herself.

"S-Sir!" she gasped. "Don't _do-_ " _Don't do what, Carter?_ A voice inside her whispered. Check on you? Talk to you? What else do you expect him to do? It's you who's overreacting. On edge, defensive.

She guiltily looking at her commander, and found wide eyes staring back at her, his surprise quickly shifting to chagrin. "Sorry, Carter," he said quietly. The joviality that had defined his behavior around her in Seattle was gone, replaced with a heaviness that looked like she felt. "Shouldn't have snuck up on you."

"It- It's okay." Sam sucked in a nervous breath, and released it. It eased some of the tightness in her chest, but not her pounding heart. "Sorry, sir."

"Saw you come out here… wanted to be sure you were okay." She heard the question in his non-question, an invitation to confide in him if she needed to. Perhaps he even meant it as an admission of his own, as though to affirm it was okay to not be okay- that he had not been okay when he'd been released from Iraq. Sam stared out into the dark edges of her backyard. Her night vision was keen, and the glow from her neighbors' safety lights spilled across the fence, but still the shadows seemed to shift, and she watched them carefully as though they might coalesce into a real threat.

"They're going to try again."

The Colonel jerked beside her. It wasn't the confession he'd anticipated. It still felt like one, somehow. It wasn't paranoia if they really were out to get you, right? Her fingers gripped the rail tightly. Goosebumps lifted on her skin in the nightly chill, but she reveled in it. This chill was different from the shivers in the false hospital. That chill had been helplessness and slow death. This cold was that of life and nature, familiar after spending so many nights camping off world.

"They're in custody," the Colonel pointed out. He stepped forward to join her at the rail, fiddling with the lining of his sling. "Those guys won't ever see the light of day again, and my guess is that Conrad is in a hole just as deep, wherever he is."

"They opened the door, sir. Others will walk through it." People who weren't as desperate, who had the time and resources to go slowly, do it right, make sure she didn't survive to talk about it. The memory of being trapped and helpless on the gurney arrested her, locking her voice in her throat. The phantom constriction of the tourniquet around her bicep made her shudder, and tears sprang unbidden to her eyes.

The Colonel cleared his throat, rubbing a thumb across his nose as he gathered his thoughts. "I'm sorry we didn't get there sooner, Carter. They should never have gotten that far. That's on us."

"Sir-"

"We didn't realize you were missing until you didn't show up for work on Monday."

Part of her wanted to blame him. He was an easy target, and she wanted- no, _needed_ \- someone to blame. Someone besides the sickly Conrad, and the doctors, all of them whose faces blurred in her mind. She hadn't really seen them through the drugs and the adrenaline, just their eyes. Blaming the Colonel gave her a target, and most importantly, he would forgive her for blaming him. He already blamed himself.

But she couldn't. This wasn't P3X-593. He hadn't left her alone on a planet where women were chattel; she hadn't been abducted by a kid who thought she was pretty enough to buy him the woman he loved. This was Earth. Earth, where an Air Force officer was expected to function independently for a whole weekend without running into trouble. To the Colonel, the idea of her actually relaxing for a whole weekend was cause for celebration. He couldn't have foreseen any of it. He couldn't have prevented it. And he'd found her. Against the odds he saved her life and she was left with nightmares and culprits in jail but no real closure. The threat was still there.

"What do I do, sir?" Her voice sounded quiet, even in her own ears. The night hung like static between them, enveloping them both. It had never occurred to her how many people lived on Earth, and how easy it was to travel from one side to the other. Next time, state lines could be the least of their problems. What about continents, oceans? Could SG-1 find her if she'd been loaded onto a plane, taken to Canada or Mexico?

"We're looking at options, Carter," he assured her. "First of which is a check-in procedure for at-risk personnel when they're off base. But-"

"That's not a preventative measure." It would give them a slightly better lead on finding her if she failed to check in, but wouldn't stop a damn thing.

"No," Jack agreed. "And really, there's nothing we can do to 100% ensure your safety. If they really want you, they'll find a way around any security measures we put in place, so short of keeping you on base…" He glanced at her to gauge her interest in the option. He smiled humorlessly at her vehement headshake no. "Didn't think so."

The misery of her restriction to base following Jolinar's death was fresh in her mind. On normal days, the mountain was just another workplace, familiar and comforting. During lockdowns, however, she often felt the claustrophobia kick in; the endless gray halls turned her stomach and made her dizzy, both reactions firmly rooted in those tenuous months under base restriction.

Funny, Sam thought bitterly, all that was because of Jolinar as well. How many awful events in her life could be traced back to the Tok'ra? Too many.

"So it's up to me," she surmised. She was doomed. It had taken a team of five less than 15 seconds to exit the van, grab her, and pile back in. Living defensively might give her more of a fighting chance, but at what cost? At what point would she start seeing threats at every corner, in every shadow? Jonas Hanson had lived that way, even before they split, and it made him hard, brittle. She didn't want that for herself.

The Colonel leaned on his good arm, facing her more fully. Sam kept herself carefully forward against the rail, staring at her hands. She hated herself for it. Being looked at shouldn't make her feel like less of a person, but after the days under the leering gazes of those scientists… That was what stuck in her mind the most. Their eyes, lit with scientific fervor, glued to her every time they entered the room. How could she be stared at so intently, and not be seen?

"Or," Jack continued, "you learn to live with it."

"Sir?"

"You don't let it control you. You pause, take a deep breath, and accept that they're out there, and choose to keep living. Maybe you're a little more aware, maybe you're a little more careful, but you keep your life the way it is. It sucks, and it's not fair, not by a long shot. But it becomes the new normal, and you deal."

Resentment boiled deep in Sam's chest. No, it wasn't fair. She survived! She won the right to reclaim her life, exactly the way it was! Accepting anything less was giving the victory back to Conrad, and cheapened her own fortitude and that of her team. It was wrong, and yet she knew the Colonel was right. That part of her life Sam wanted to cling to- the belief she was safe on her own planet, that her position and military would protect her in name alone- never made it off that gurney. It died there, as surely as if the syringe had been plunged into her arm.

Her breath hitched in her chest, and the tears that had been lurking at the corners of her eyes since she awoke pushed forward. They spilled down her cheeks; she couldn't wipe them without the Colonel noticing, so all she could do was let her head hang. It still wasn't enough to fool him. Jack hesitated, for just a moment, before pushing off from the rail, opening his good arm to her.

"C'mere," he beckoned. Finally Sam turned to face him, burying her face in his chest. She felt the tension in his frame, certainly surprised by how quickly she came to him. Before she could think better of it, he relaxed, wrapping her in the warmest hug he could manage. She tried to be mindful of his injury, but the first offer of physical comfort since waking up in the hospital made it hard to breathe. She gripped him tightly, trying to keep the sounds of anguish locked up tight. "I'm sorry, Sam."

She hiccuped at his simple admission, her fragile control slipping. Conrad and his men took something from her, more than blood and tissue, something that could never be regained. With three simple words the Colonel acknowledged that loss, and proved it was something to mourn. With those words he promised that even if they couldn't mourn with her, SG-1 would be there to catch her on the other side. She wasn't alone.


End file.
